i am… male, 25, a disciple of Jesus, reformed, neo-orthodox, northern irish, emerging, a pseudo-intellectual, a theologian, a husband, a son, a brother, a nephew, a grandson, a friend, a light in the darkness, the salt of the earth, alien, unashamed, forgiven, a free slave, a student teacher, a leader who follows, a child, a soldier, everlasting, a revolutionary, a rebel, a radical, waiting, watching, frightened, afraid, loved, saved, guaranteed, a failure, weak, simul justus et peccator, heartbroken, wry, sorry, fallible, flawed, fragile, changed, poor but rich, a lover not a fighter, in love [squared], out of step and in every conceivable way… souled out